I don't know exactly who first introduced me to the 20 Things Angel Mommies Wish You Knew list, but I'm sure it was another woman who knows what it's like to be the mother of an angel. I'd like to share/discuss the things on this list and will likely spread them out over several posts. If you'd like to cheat and want to see the whole list, just click the link above.
1. I wish you would not be afraid to mention my baby. The truth is just
because you never saw my baby doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve your recognition.
2. I wish that if we did talk about my baby and I cried you didn’t
think it was because you have hurt me by mentioning my baby. The truth is I
need to cry and talk about my baby with you.
3. I wish that you could talk about my baby more than once. The truth
is if you do, it reassures me that you haven’t forgotten him and that you do
care and understand.
4. I wish you wouldn’t think that I don’t want to talk about my baby.
The truth is I love my baby and need to talk about him.
5. I wish you could tell me you are sorry my baby died and that you are
thinking of me. The truth is that it tells me you care.
These first 5 wishes are so important. Women who have experienced miscarriage/pregnancy loss are more often than not left to go through things/grieve in silence. (I have written and re-written and deleted many things I wanted to go here because nothing seemed to say quite what I was trying to say). The simple fact is that on the whole our society does not know how to deal with or acknowledge a woman who has lost her baby, nor do we have norms that dictate how best to acknowledge the baby she lost.
To me this is absurd. It seems to me that maybe people are afraid of offending or hurting the grieving mother more than she is already hurting. The silence surrounding the loss of her pregnancy is more hurtful than just about anything you might say. When in doubt, a simple "I'm sorry," is enough.
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