20 Things Angel Mommies Wish You Knew - #6-10 - Pregnancy/Infant Loss Awareness Month

This post is part of a monthly series I am writing during the month of October to bring awareness to Pregnancy and Infant Loss. You can read #1 - 5 here.

6. I wish you wouldn’t think what has happened is one big bad memory for me. The truth is the memory of my baby, the love I feel for my baby, the dreams I had and the memories I have created for my baby are all loving memories. Yes there are bad memories too but please understand that it’s not all like that.

7. I wish you wouldn’t pretend that my baby never existed. The truth is we both know I had a baby growing inside me.

8. I wish you wouldn’t judge me because I am not acting the way you think I should be. The truth is grief is a very personal thing and we are all different people who deal with things differently.

9. I wish you wouldn’t think if I have a good day I’m “over it” or if I have a bad day I am being unreasonable because you think I should be over it. The truth is there is no “normal” way for me to act.

10. I wish you wouldn’t stay away from me. The truth is losing my baby doesn’t mean I’m contagious. By staying away you make me feel isolated, confused and like it is my fault.

For me, #7 is the most important for me of this group. So many times people gloss over the fact that there was in fact a baby. This is especially hard if the baby had a known heartbeat. Again, as in the last post, it comes down to the fact that society as a whole doesn't know how to acknowledge/address miscarriage/pregnancy/infant loss.

I don't think I can stress enough, and will probably continue to stress over the course of this month, how much it can mean to a grieving mother (and father, grandparent, aunt, uncle, etc.) to just acknowledge that there was indeed a baby and that you are sorry for their loss. If you have no other words, "I'm sorry" is honestly enough.

Those who are grieving the loss of a child, at any stage in that child's life - early miscarriage, late term pregnancy or even after the baby has been born - need to have people around them who can be a good base for support. The last thing they need is to feel alone and/or isolated. They will already feel this to some extent but to avoid them is just unnecessary if you really care about them.