Unfortunately none of my pregnancies made it to a stage where there was any real discussion about their futures. There were no nicknames, only a little wishful thinking about what they might be named. So because I can't really speak to their identity, I'll use this post to talk about my identity and how it has changed since my miscarriages.
The very first time I became pregnant I was a girlfriend, daughter, sister, step-mother figure, friend, employee and so much more. Within a month I could add survivor and angel mom to that list. Over the years my titles have evolved.
Eventually I was no longer a step-mother figure and for a period of time I was a fiancee. Later that changed to wife and a few months ago I got to add "ex" in front of that title.
I'm now over a year past my last miscarriage and three months since my divorce was final and I'm finding it hard to define who I am. I am still a daughter, sister, friend, survivor, angel mom, etc. but I'm realizing that I am so much more than that too. I am a blogger, crafter, single, fur mom, and so, so much more!
While it's hard not to get caught up in labels and definitions, I'm trying my hardest not to. Why does everything seem to need defined? I don't feel my identity is very tightly tied to any of those titles. Most of them are so fluid and fleeting that I only identify with them for such a short period of time.
And so I've decided to not focus so much on how I'm defined and just be me. All of me, whatever form that happens to be at any particular moment in time. Because really, our identity is something as unique as our finger prints and yet as ever changing as the clouds.
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